My Lord

When my heart is aching, you are near.  When my soul is vexed, you are there.  When my mind is clouded with pain, you are there.  When the world seems to close in on me, you are there.  Help me to recognize your voice, recognize your presence, recognize your love.  You are always there, drawing near to me, feeling my pain, yearning to heal me.  All I have to do is reach for you my love, my savior, the healer of my spirit, soul and body.  My Lord.

God's Gentle Reminders

I have been distracted by some things in my life lately, taking my eyes off of God and placing them on my problems.  In other words, I drew away from God.  However, God, in His mercy, gave me a gentle nudge to remind me of what He has done in the past.

Years ago, I had a great paying job with wonderful benefits, incentives, profit sharing and pay, etc.  I worked for this company for 18 years.  My job was eliminated, in fact, the company closed the facility where I worked.  I was not devastated by this loss because the Lord had prepared me a year in advance.  He had revealed it to me because I drew close to Him.  Although I no longer had that job, God provided for me and my son.  He had a plan in place for that loss.

Somethimes I forget to draw near to God.  Life throws us a monkey wrench sometimes and we lose sight of Him, eventually keeping our eyes on our problems.  He has reminded me that if I draw near to Him, I can trust that He has a plan in place for all that concerns me.  He will reveal the plan to me as I draw near.  I love you Lord for loving me.

Why Are You Trying to Please Everyone?

When you try to please everyone, you'll wear yourself out.  You're too busy being who they want you to be and doing what they want you to do.  What about you? What do you want?  Somewhere along the way, you lose sight of what God wants.  Therefore, you are worn out and unhappy, trying to please man.  Why?  Because we want to be accepted and we fear rejection.  If you don't stand up for yourself, people will continue to control you.  That's what I said, CONTROL YOU.  You are allowing it.  Really don't think God is pleased with your passivity.  Start by saying no to people and see how they respond.  Those that get angry do not respect you or your ability to make a decision for yourself.  They are losing their hold over you and may possibly get nasty with you.  These people do not have your best interest at heart.  They want what is best for them, not you.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.  Time to take inventory of those around you.  Who really wants whats best for you?  There is a difference between showing concern for you and wanting whats best for them.  Time to stop pleasing everyone else and start pleasing God.  Tell you what I know....SEEK HIM.  ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE.

There comes a point when you have to reevaluate everything and everyone in your life.  Lately, I've been asking myself a lot of questions.  Am I satisfied with the way my life is going?  Where am I headed?  What steps do I need to take toward change?  Who do I need to remove from my life?  Are my friends really my friends?  What are people's motives concerning me? What do I fear?  What's the worse that can happen?  Is it really that bad?

Terror by Night - My Halloween Story

Terror By Night

No longer a child, not quite a teen,

I was determined to enjoy this last Halloween.

My body was changing; my hips were now shapen,

Unaware what these changes awakened.

Twelve years old on the verge of womanhood,

Collecting candy, racing through the neighborhood.

Kids in the front, tweens at the rear,

Teenage boys hovering near.

Twelve and naïve, unaware of being stalked,

I laughed with my friends as we continued to walk.

I stopped for a moment, at the pinch on my rear,

Thinking I had imagined it, I had nothing to fear.

The next touch I felt was more confident and bolder,

I turned to face a boy that was older.

The look on his face sent chills up my spine,

As he whispered to me, “You are mine”.

Frightened into silence, unable to speak,

My legs wouldn’t move, my heart became weak.

I whispered “Stop”, finally finding my voice

As he grinned at me, I made a choice.

Endure his punishment or run for my life,

I had to decide, fight or flight.

Afraid to run home, afraid to leave the pack

I was not sure if I’d make it back.

Desperately running to keep up with my friends,

Wishing to God that this night would end.

The more I ran, the more he neared,

Desperately trying to protect my rear.

If he had caught me, didn’t know what he’d have done;

I just knew in my heart that it wouldn’t be fun.

Not understanding why he’d treat me this way,

He was the wolf, I was his prey.

I ducked and darted as his grip became bolder,

Suddenly realizing that I was older.

No longer a girl, but nearing womanhood,

As seen by the boys of my neighborhood.

Just as my strength was giving away,

He grew tired of chasing his prey.

He surveyed my body and whispered, “Next time”,

Then rejoined his friends at the back of the line.

A victim of lust, a pawn in his game,

I never viewed teenage boys the same.

That last Halloween was not filled with joy.

Pursued by a wolf disguised as a boy.

Everyone is not called to be a part of your destiny.  In fact there are probably some people that you need to cut from your life right now.  These people only hold you back

Need a Self Esteem Makeover? Seek Him, Not Them

I am amazed and angry about the many magazines I see while standing in the check out line.  Seems like there is a conspiracy to destroy the self esteem of women.    The front covers continually inform us that we are overweight, out of shape, we need make up, we need to change our style, we're lousy at sex, we can't get a man, etc.  The more they tear up our self image, the more money they make.  Who are these people to tell us who or what we should be?   They know nothing about us!  These peoople are not God!  Your Heavenly Father created you and knows you.  Seek Him on how to improve yourself.  He is the one who will make you over.  Ps. 139 - You are fearfully and wonderfully made!

What Are You Craving?

Why are you empty inside?  Why do you feel that something is missing?  What are you craving?  Is it food, sex, money, material wealth?  Even if you acquire these things, it will not be enough.  The craving will not be satisfied.  Your spirit is craving.  Your spirit is starving.  You take care of the physical and soulish part of you, however, you neglect the spiritual.  Just as we yearn for our earthly father, your spirit yearns for your heavenly Father, the one who created you.  Your spirit is crying out for His spirit.  Your spirit is yearning for fellowship with God. 

He is your creater.  He formed and placed destiny in you.  He knows your end from the beginning.  He has planned your outcome.  He has abundant life for you.  Do you want it? Or do you want to continue to do things your way?  Craving all the wrong things and suffering the consequences.  Satisfaction will only come to pass by submission to Him.  Seek His Way.  He knows what you crave and only He can satisfy it.  Jesus is Your Savior.

Pieces of You

With each sexual encounter, the man deposits pieces of himself within you, both physically and spiritually.  He also takes a little of you with him.  Pieces of you are scattered among every man you have slept with.  Think about it.  If he has slept with others, pieces of them are deposited in you!  Ugh!  The word of God says that in a sexual relationship, the two become one.  You have become one with every man you have slept with and every other woman he has slept with.

Ever wonder why you start to do things that are out of your character?  Something was deposited in you.  What about those perverted thoughts?  What about lusting after a married man?  Rage?  Promiscuity? Suicidal?  Murderous thoughts?  Something was deposited in you.  I can go on and on.  I think you get the picture. 

The word says, "Flee fornication.  Every sin a man doeth is without the body; but he that committs fornication sinneth against his own body" - I Cor. 6:18.

Every man that you have slept with has control over your body and spirit.  I received a revelation of this some years ago.  When I commited my life to the Lord, I ceased all sexual activity.  Now, it wasn't easy at first.  However, you can live without sex.  Although I had stopped the physcial aspects of sex, the spiritual was still there.  There were times when I would have dreams about previous sexual partners.  Sometimes the dream would involve guys I hadn't seen or thought of in years.  Here's what my Father revealed to me:  Each time any of those men thought of me, their spirit searched for me seeking to fornicate with my spirit.  Gross!  I cut off the physical, but I hadn't dealt with the spiritual!

How did I break from this mess?  It wasn't easy for me.  My deliverance involved much spiritual warfare (prayer) and the blood of Jesus.  I spent a lot of time in the word of God, cleansing and purging my spirit.  I knew that I couldn't fight this alone.  I enlisted the help of women I trusted to pray for my deliverance.  It took some time, however, the spirits of those men were detached from mine.  I retrieved my pieces.

You were designed to be with one partner in marriage.  The two shall become one.  When you read Matt. 19:4-6, Mark 10:7-9, Eph 5:30-32 you will see that when you join with someone physically, you become one flesh and one in spirit.  So according to the word of God, many sex partners = many husbands! 

The Process of Love

                                                The Process of Love

True love is born out of friendship. 

                        Friendship is developed through mutual respect.

                                    Mutual respect develops through shared interests.

                                                Shared interests come through attraction.

                                                            Attraction is a powerful force.

       A powerful force leads to attraction.

                                                Attraction develops through shared interests.

                                    A shared interest builds mutual respect.

                        Mutual respect cultivates a friendship.

            Friendship is the basis of true love.

                                                       Kimbal

Love at First Sight is Not for Me

There's one thing I've discovered about love, can sneak up on you at the most unexpected times. 

I do believe you can be instantly attracted to someone, but love at first sight seems shallow.  Maybe it isn't love, but lust at first sight!    Personally, I find it unstable.  It knocks me off my feet.  I can't think clearly.  My emotions are erratic, off the charts!  I can't think, eat or sleep. I become the person I don't want to be.  It does me no good.  It's like being on drugs.  High one moment, coming down from that high.......BAMMM!.  This is the world's definition of love.  Songs and magazine articles praise this type of crazy love.  I find it disturbing.

True love is much deeper and expands over time.  It's time spent with one another developing a relationship based on mutual respect, consideration, support and concern for each other's needs.  This type of love brings peace, removes selfishness, and inspires one to become a better individual.  This is the true love that surprises when it comes, unexpectantly.

Don't Awaken Love Before Its Time

I recently heard a minister define the word intimacy as "into me see".

We all long to share our lives with someone special.  However, you must be mindful to whom you open your heart to.  Opening your heart gives that person access to the most private parts of yourself, therefore making you vulnerable.  There are those who would take your open heart and wound it by using manipulation, deception and control.  This leaves you brokenhearted, distrustful of others and doubting yourself. 

There is a verse in the Bible in the Song of Solomon that says, don't awaken love before its time.  Recently, I experienced the meaning of this verse.  I had opened my heart to the wrong person.  Now, I didn't know it was the wrong person at the time, but in hindsight, I see where I made my mistake.  I didn't take the time to know this person or seek the Lord for insight into this person's character.  I was deceived.  If you ask God to reveal the truth, He will.  I had opened the door and it was up to me to shut it.  Although there was no physical contact between me and that person, I had allowed this person to see into me (my heart), which left me vulnerable, brokenhearted and mad at myself.  I was awakening love before its time.  It wasn't time because this person was not the one.

I cut off all ties with that person and refocused my attention on the Lord.  Not only did I ask the Lord to reveal the truth about this person, I asked him to show me myself!  Boy, did He!  I had to repent and consider the condition of my heart.  I had unforgiveness and offense in my life which caused me to take my eye off of God, which opened the door to the possibility of sin.  Thank God for His mercy and grace.  He is the healer!

Always stay in relationship with God.  Always seek Him when it comes to matters of the heart.  He knows the truth about every situation.  Believe His word.  It's there for a reason.....to save you from heartache and sin. He is the mender of brokenhearts.

Men are distracting

Let's face it ladies, men are distracting.  The moment one comes into our lives, we compromise, compromise and compromise to the point where we lose sight of our goals and ourselves.   Don't misunderstand me.  I love men and would like to be married again, but not at the cost of aborting my God given purpose.  My hope is to marry someone who will recognize the call on my life and support it.  I would definitely support his call.

The Giver of Dreams

I wrote this poem during a time of disappointment.  Proverbs 13:12 described exactly how I felt.  I've discovered that my hope is in Him and He will fulfill my desires His way.

The Giver of Dreams

As my dreams crumble and turn into dust,

I search for my savior, the one whom I trust.

My heart grows sick as my hope is deferred,

Searching eagerly for solace in every written word.

I find my savior, the lover of my soul,

Letting go of my will, giving Him full control.

For a time I lost sight of the one I must lean,

the lover of my soul, the giver of dreams.

Kimbal



Why?

Ever ask God why?  This is my cry at the moment.  I don't understand and I need an answer.  I'm anxious at the moment.  God, I need understanding.  However, I know you are merciful and there is a reason behind it.  Please give me peace.  Your love endures forever!

Fear Looks, Faith Leaps

Hmmm.....I liked Doctora's comment on a previous post - Fear looks, faith leaps.  When God leads us to do something, why does fear take over?  Why do we analyze every possibility of failure?  Why do we make up excuses as to why we're not capable of doing it? 

I immediately think about Jeremiah, the prophet.  In the first chapter (Jeremiah 1: 4-10) God tells Jeremiah he is called to speak to nations.  God had deposited this calling in Jeremiah before he was placed in his mother's womb!  As a matter of fact, God had ordained him to do it!  Jeremiah's first response was "God how can I do this?  I'm too young!"  God proceeded to tell him not to consider his age.  All Jeremiah had to do was to be obedient and the Lord would tell him where to go and what to say!  God also told Jeremiah to not fear the faces of the people because He would be with him and deliver him.  God had his back!

I can imagine Jeremiah's fear.  Can you just imagine the questions rolling around his head?  "What can I do?  I'm a captive just like everyone else!  I'm just a kid.  Why would they listen to me?  What if they stone me or worse, kill me?"  Jeremiah was obedient.  (Read Jeremiah)

Well, I have had the same reaction as Jeremiah.  He immediately gave God an excuse as to why he couldn't do it!  When God directed me to do something that was way out of my comfort zone, I freaked!  Immediately fear crept in and played several scenarios of failure in my mind.  Fear questions everything.  Fear looks for the possibility of failure.  Fear makes up excuses.  Fear paralyzes you.  Fear causes disobedience.  Fear causes you to be out of the will of God!  Well, I had a contract with fear.  We agreed that if anything was uncomfortable, scary or too hard, we wouldn't do it.  I was such a wimp.  Fear was satisfied.  I was always afraid of getting hurt or getting embarrassed.  Fear had me exactly where it wanted me:  ineffective for the kingdom of God.

My disobedience had opened the door to hardship and heartache.  I had to repent to my Father.  I would love to say that I was disobedient only once, but I can't.  I've done it several times!  I have learned that fear took over because I didn't really trust God.  Unfortunately, our experiences with man can have an effect on our relationship with God.  I believed that since man let me down, God would let me down.  Phew! It took me a while to understand that God is not like man!  I can trust Him.  I can believe that Jesus was sent to set the captives free.  I was definitely a captive of fear!

I became set free from fear by being obedient to God.  He placed me in situations in which He was the only one I could trust.  Trust is gained, by establishing a relationship.  As I grew closer to God, my trust in Him grew.  I started to do things even when it scared me.  I knew God had my back. 

I love what Joyce Meyers says, "Do it afraid".  Once God told me to approach a woman and tell her that He loved her.  I was so scared.  My knees were knocking!  Literally!  Well, I did it.......she cursed me out!  I was so embarrassed and hurt!  Walking away, I asked God why He wanted me to do that when He knew what would happen!   Silence.  I was so angry!  Guess what?  I had to do it again!  Not all the responses were positive, however, I got the point.  He was working on my obedience and fear issues. 

Think about all that Jesus went through.  He was not popular with everyone! He made a lot of people angry, but He was obedient to His heavenly Father.

Has fear caused you to be disobedient?  Are you willing to be obedient?  Are you willing to draw near to your heavenly Father to be set free from fear?  

"The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent" (Ps. 34:18, Amp).  This is my favorite verse.  Many may think its a depressing scripture.  However, for me, its one of the most exciting and uplifting verses in the Bible.  

My heart has been broken many times over the years.  Heartbroken over love, missed opportunities, disappointments, family, etc.  Through it all, the Lord has always been near, comforting me, loving me.  When I had sorrow over my sin, He was there, waiting for me to seek Him out, waiting with open arms to tell me I was forgiven.  I love how my Father searches every part of my being for areas that need His healing touch.  Only He knows how to mend my broken heart.  Are you willing to allow Him to heal yours?  He will not do it without your permission.

Reach out to Him.  He's waiting.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)

His love is truly amazing.  I know that sounds like a cliche', but its true.  You are more than what you see in the mirror.  You were especially made by your heavenly Father to fulfill a purpose.  There is no one like you and you're the only one who can fulfill it.  You were created to complete His plan.  Ah, I can hear you now.  You may be wondering, "What about what I want?"  Well, I've discovered that what we want isn't always beneficial for us.  Sometimes it can cause more harm than good.  We can also miss out on something fantabulous because we want to have things our way.

Read Psalm 139.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made!  That means everything, your spirit, personality and desires.  He placed godly desires in you!  The things of this world perverts them.  Draw near to Him, He will show you the desires He has placed in your heart, not your head.  Trust in this:  He knows what it will take to make you truly happy and fulfilled.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8).

My questions for you are:  Do you believe you are doing what God created you to do?  Are you fulfilling His purpose in it or spinning your wheels?  Are you willing to allow God to exchange your will for His will?